Can You Forgive Me?
by Silque
Summary: A re-write of the events that take place in New Moon, after Bella and Edward escape death in the Volturi throne room. Bella gets to vent, and Edward shows actual emotion! *gasp* It has one lemon, but it's not graphic or Twismutty.


**A/N: Bella forgave Edward way too easily, when they returned from Italy. He also didn't show enough emotion...ever. It's always bugged me. So here is my attempt to rectify the situation.**

 **It begins with Bella and Edward in the lobby of the Vulturi keep, in Volterra, Italy. Obvs, this is the book version. I've decided to tell this in third person. I like to switch things up. It's how I roll. ;-)**

 **Rated M for a nice lemon.  
**

 **I don't own these characters, I just make them behave more realistically. I also don't own the excerpt or dialog from the book.**

* * *

 _ **Excerpt from New Moon – Stephenie Meyer:**_

 _I heard a sound that didn't make sense, a strange, ripping counterpart to the otherwise cheery background music. Distracted by the shaking, I couldn't tell where it was coming from._

" _Shh, Bella, shh," Edward said as he pulled me to the sofa farthest away from the curious human at the desk._

" _I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested._

 _Edward threw a frantic glance at her._

 _Then I understood. Oh. The noise was me. The ripping sound was the sobs coming from my chest._

 _That's what was shaking me._

Edward pulled Bella into his lap, wrapping the cloak around her to protect her from his cold skin. He tucked her head into his shoulder, stroking her hair, her back, wiping the tears from the curve of her cheek. "Breathe, Bella. Deep breaths. Calm down. It's ok now. I'm taking you home soon."

She tried to pull herself together. Realizing she was cuddled against Edwards chest, she marveled that he was here, she was here. If only for this brief time, she could touch him, hold him, and look at his beautiful face again.

He turned and spoke to Alice, using vampire speed. Bella couldn't understand a word, but assumed they were discussing their return to Forks. She couldn't bring herself to care at that moment. She couldn't even continue to care about the people that had just walked blithely to their deaths. There was only Edward. There was only the feel of his stony arms wrapped around her, as if he cared for her again. She didn't care at the moment that he'd be gone again. There was only now, and Edward. She refused to let herself think about later.

Edward finished his conversation with Alice, and turned his attention back to his angel, nestled so warm against his body. He touched her hair, her face, her hands, and caressed her fingers. Was she still his angel? He wondered. After his deplorable actions, lying to her, abandoning her, his fear was a living thing in his chest. But she was here, alive, and warm. So warm. He'd forgotten just how truly glorious that felt.

She had stopped wailing and shaking, and rested quietly, staring into his face, her expression unreadable. He bent and kissed her nose, her brow, her damp cheeks, but not her lips. That would have to wait, because there was a lot of talking to do, and he knew _that_ conversation wouldn't be easy by any means. He could only hope that she still felt enough for him to forgive him, and give him a chance to prove his devotion to her. She came to save him, right? That had to mean there was still some spark... or perhaps it was only her compassionate heart. Perhaps she just didn't want anyone to die.

Alice sat quietly, her eyes glazed over for a moment, then cleared. She blocked her thoughts from her brother by translating the Magna Carta into Swahili. She glanced over at her brother and her best friend, clinging to each other, and both radiating such insecurity. A slow smile crept across her lips. Oh, this would be very good for them both. Very good indeed.

Bella had not uttered a word since leaving the audience chamber, and Edward decided not to push her. He just wanted her out of here, and he wouldn't relax until they were on the plane to the States.

They both lost track of time, and before they knew it, Alec strolled into the lobby and approached them. "You're free to leave now. We ask that you don't linger in the city." He was still impeccably dressed, not a hair out of place, but his eyes glowed bright crimson. Bella shuddered and turned her face into Edward's chest.

"That won't be a problem," Edward replied coldly.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna said brightly. Bella was reminded of a tour guide at Disney, and wondered at her own sanity. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now." Bella knew she was human, and could only assume that Gianna wanted to be turned. But how could she want that with these monsters? At least Bella had wanted it for love.

Opting to carry Bella, Edward strode through the lobby, Alice at his heels. Bella, however, had other ideas, and struggled a bit until he set her on her feet. "Are you sure...?" he questioned. Bella nodded, wanting to feel more in control of the situation, and they continued their retreat, but he never let go of her hand.

They exited the castle, and Alice immediately vanished. Sensing her apprehension, Edward spoke up, "She's gone to retrieve your bag, and find us a vehicle. We'll meet her outside the city gates."

When they passed through the stone archway, Alice was there with a dark sedan. Edward ushered Bella into the back seat, and climbed in next to her. Bella was surprised, knowing how Edward was about driving, about being in control, but at this point, she was beginning to fight exhaustion. She had been awake for a day and a half. He gathered her against his side, Bella fighting her eyelids and they rode that way all the way to the airport.

Once they were in the air, he unbuckled Bella's seat belt, requested a blanket, and cradled her in his arms until she fell asleep. He stayed that way, unmoving except for the occasional feather light touch to her face, untiringly watching over her deep sleep for the next 14 hours.

Bella finally stirred on approach to Sea-Tac, "We're almost home. Are you feeling better?" she nodded. Bella had still not spoken, and it was starting to worry him. If it was too late, if she didn't want him any more... he would let her go. But he would watch over her for the rest of her life. Even though the thought of it gutted him. He would try to fight for her, to a fault. He wouldn't make it difficult for her, though.

Esme, Carlisle and Jasper were all waiting near the exit to the parking garage. Esme immediately enveloped Edward and Bella in her arms, eyes closed in relief. ' _My son,'_ she thought. ' _Oh my son. Never do that to me again!'_ Edward pressed a kiss into her caramel hair. "Mother."

Jasper went to Alice and held her face in his hands. They didn't speak, just gazed into each others eyes. Bella had to look away from the intensely personal moment.

Carlisle clapped Edward on the shoulder, "Welcome home, son. You had us all pretty frightened." He leaned down and kissed Bella on the forehead. "Thank you, my dear. That took much courage." Bella nodded and blushed, looking at her feet. And still spoke not a word. "We have a story ready," Carlisle went on. "Esme and I will head to the police station, to tell Charlie the official version of the story; Edward, you weren't dealing well with the breakup down in LA. Acting out in school, and some truancy. Alice came to bring Bella down, to talk sense into you. Esme was missing Washington, not liking the big city life for her children, and seeing Bella made her decide that we needed to move back. We're here to bring Bella home, and open up the house, re-enroll the children back into school, that sort of thing. Rosalie and Emmett will drive you two back to Bella's house."

They emerged into the parking area to see Emmett standing next to Edward's Volvo, Rosalie next to him. Edward came to a stop and growled. ' _Edward, don't,'_ thought Esme. ' _She feels terrible. Let her apologize.'_

Edward nodded once, and they continued to the cars. Jasper had Emmett's Jeep, and Carlisle and Esme climbed into his Mercedes. Edward helped Bella into the back seat of his Volvo, and slid in next to her, Emmett and Rosalie climbed into the front, and they set off. Rosalie turned around in her seat and said, "Edward, I'm so sorry. I only did it to get you to come home. I thought that if Bella was... gone, you had no reason to be away from us any longer. We all missed you so much. The family was-"

Edward cut her off. "It's fine."

"No. Please. Let me do this. It's not fine. I was wrong. And Bella... thank you for being brave enough to go save my brother. I'm sorry to you, as well, for my behavior in the past. Can you two forgive me?"

Edward looked down at Bella, who nodded, and spoke for the first time since leaving the Volturi throne room, "Of course, Rosalie."

"Thank you. I hope we can be... friends." Rose said shyly. Bella smiled back. _'I mean it brother. I was afraid we had lost you both. I never want to feel that way again. Forgive me? Please?'_ Edward nodded at Rosalie.

Edward pulled Bella into his side, and the rest of the ride was quiet.

Emmett dropped them at Bella's house, and drove away with a sincere, _'Good luck, brother!'_ in his thoughts.

Walking to the porch, Edward kept hold of Bella's hand. She inserted the key into the lock, and hesitated. She didn't want him to feel obligated to stay any longer. It was breaking her heart, but she wanted to rip the bandage away quickly. Every moment with him near her, holding her, even touching her hand was paradise, but she wanted to be realistic. "You... don't have to stay. I'm fine from here." she finally murmured, staring intently at the door.

Edwards heart dropped. So it was true; she was done with him. Feeling sick, he said, "I'd like a... chance to explain. Can you find it in your heart to at least give me that? I know I don't deserve it, but... please. Bella, can't we talk?"

"Of course." she whispered. ' _Yes,'_ she thought to herself. ' _Come inside, make yourself at home, shred my heart into tiny bits. I'm not busy right now.'_ She was never more grateful he couldn't read her thoughts than at that moment.

Bella opened the door, moving into the tiny living room, intending to sit on the sofa, but Edward had other ideas. He slung her backpack over his shoulder, took her hand and led her up the stairs to her bedroom. His happiest times were spent in that room.

He seated her on her bed, dropped her pack onto her desk, and started pacing. He ran his hands through his hair several times, making it stand up alarmingly. Bella knew he was very agitated when he did this, and was baffled at the cause. Maybe he was a bit upset that he would have to give her another goodbye speech. She huffed. She wished he would spare her that particular delight again.

"Bella, at your birthday party, when Jasper attacked you-"

"He didn't attack me. He _lunged_ at me. You all made sure he couldn't reach me." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Please," Edward gritted. "Please just let me get through this. It's hard enough without- never mind. Ok. When Jasper _lunged_ _at you,_ I was terrified at what could have happened. If he had gotten past us, you would be dead, or on your way to changing. I knew that it was only a matter of time until something got past me. You were so trusting, so carelessly comfortable in the presence of _monsters_ -"

"Stop that," she said sharply. "I'm so tired of you using that word. Is Esme a monster? Alice? Carlisle? None of you are monsters. Find another noun."

Edward gaped at her. Where did this temper come from? Then he thought better. He supposed she had a right to her anger. "All right. In the presence of inhuman, blood-drinking beings. Better?"

She nodded. "Go on."

"You seem to have no sense of self preservation. So I thought that... the best thing for you was... to get the... beings out of your life. I thought that if we all just... left, you'd have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. So I...lied to you. I told you that I didn't love you, so you would hate me. Get over me. Get... on with your life."

"Get on... with... so, you lied about the distractions? You lied that you didn't love me? You lied about everything?"

Edward hung his head, "I did, love. I'm so sorry. I didn't think that you felt as deeply for me as I did for you." He moved to kneel at her feet. "I was so arrogant. I thought I knew what was best for you. I still think it's wrong to be in your life, it's so dangerous, but I can't stay away from you any longer. Is there... any feeling left for me? Or have I destroyed it all?" He looked up at her, his face a mask of hope and fear.

Bella sat perfectly still, just breathing. He could read nothing in her eyes, which terrified him. She had the most expressive eyes, how could they reflect... nothing of what she was thinking or feeling? For what felt like the millionth time, he cursed that he couldn't read her thoughts.

When she finally spoke, there was no emotion. "You decided my life for me. All on your own. You decided to leave me, no matter what it was that _I_ wanted. You thought it best to lie to me, shatter my heart, leave me with nothing to live for." Emotion started creeping into her words, but an emotion he had not reckoned with.

Rage.

"You _bastard!"_ she seethed. "Who do you think you are? A god? Edward thinks it, so it must be so? How dare you! Tell me, Edward; what else have you lied to me about? You _say_ you lied about not loving me? Maybe you lied about being _in_ love with me! Maybe everything is a lie! Maybe your kisses were lies! Maybe every time you held me it was a lie! Every touch, a lie! Is the meadow a lie?!" She was ranting by now, arms waving, tears of anger pouring down her face.

"Bella! No!" he gasped.

She didn't even slow down. "It all makes sense, really. I'm just a plain, boring _human_." she spat it like a filthy word. "Why would someone like you ever love a nothing like me? Of course you wouldn't want to turn me! Why would you? Then you'd be stuck with a _distraction_ for eternity! You were willing to let me _die_ rather than tell that _monster;_ and yes _he_ was a monster! Let me _die_ rather than promise that monster that you would turn me. Alice cared enough to speak up for me, but not you! Not the great god Edward, deciding everything for everybody! Well, now I'll bet you wish she had just gone ahead and _let him kill me!"_ She was nearly incoherent by then.

Horrified, Edward pulled her into his arms, lowering her to the bed. He pulled her face into his neck, trying to still the terrible words she was shouting. And then she said the three words he had never, ever wanted to hear from her; "I hate you!"

She began beating at his shoulders with tightly balled fists, chanting, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" He pulled her tighter to his chest, burying his face in her hair. And still she ranted, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." punctuating each short sentence with ineffectual blows of her fists on his shoulders, then his back.

As her rage started to spend itself, she realized that Edward was shaking. No, not shaking, _heaving._ And as she grew quiet, she heard him... sobbing. Then she realized that there were words interspersed with his dry sobs.

"Oh god... please, no! Don't hate me... Oh my Bella... I love you so much... so much... don't send me away... I can't live without you... I'm worthless... _I'm_ nothing... you're everything... Bella... please... I'll die without you... don't hate me... I can't bear it... I'll change you right _now,_ if you want it... don't leave me... oh god oh god oh god..."

Slowly, her fists unknotted, splayed flat against his back. She listened to his gasping words with growing wonder. And, like magic, the gaping hole in her chest slowly began to close. Her arms tightened around his shoulders, her fingers moved into his hair. Her Edward was pouring his heart out to her. He loved her! He wanted her!

"Edward," she whispered. "Shh. Don't cry. Edward, please don't cry. Shh, now. Stop, baby. Stop it now. You're breaking my heart. Please. Look at me."

Slowly, he raised his head, his eyes shimmering with venom, his eyelids rimmed with red. His breath hitched. He met her gaze shyly. "Bella?" His voice shook.

After a long moment, staring into his tormented eyes, she finally whispered, "I love you, Edward. I never stopped loving you."

"Bella." he groaned, and his lips crashed down on hers. This kiss was nothing like any kiss he had ever given her. There was nothing careful or safe about it. It was wild, sucking lips and plunging tongue. It was all relief and loss and passion and fear. "I love you," he gasped between kisses. "I'll never fail you again. I love you. My angel, I love you."

The kisses slowed, softened, finally stopped. He cupped her face in his hands and gazed down into her eyes. "You love me?" his look still held a trace of fear. "You still want me?"

"Yes, I love you," she whispered. "But Edward, would you have let me die there?"

"No!" he answered vehemently. "I was drawing breath to tell him that I would change you when Alice spoke up. I swear! Bella, I swear to you, I was!"

"You were?" The hole closed further.

"Oh, love. I was ready to die when I thought you were dead. Did you think I was ready to let you die again?" He kissed her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her lips. "You're my life. I told you that before. But let's not discuss anything I told you 'before'. I will tell you all of it again. Let's begin again, today, fresh and new. You are my life, my heart, and my reason to walk the earth. Do you understand? I will never leave you again. No matter the danger, no matter the circumstance. I belong to you, love. Only you, and forever. And I will change you whenever you ask it of me. I can't bear the thought of being without you, ever, ever again."

And the hole was gone.

She pulled his mouth back down to hers, needing his kiss like she needed air. Her heart pounded furiously, with joy, with wonder. He could feel it against his own still, silent chest, and he too was filled with joy and wonder.

He grew hard against her, and he knew he should pull away, stop before it was too late, but he couldn't bring himself to move an inch. He wanted her desperately. After the months away from her, being here with her, kissing and touching her when he thought to never do so again was more than his iron control could handle. Amazingly, the desire for her blood was non-existent now. Her delicious smell was filling him with a desire of another sort altogether.

She felt him, thick and hard against her. For the first time, he was letting her feel him. It sent a shock of pleasure to her stomach. "Edward," she gasped. "Make love to me. Please. I need you."

He pulled away, and she was sure that he was rejecting her plea, yet again, but he stood next to the bed, gazing intently into her eyes, and began to unbutton his shirt. "I can refuse you nothing, love. I want you so desperately. From today forward, I am yours to command." He dropped his shirt and his hands moved to his belt buckle. Her eyes dropped to his hands. Biting her lip, she sat up and pulled her shirt off as well. She reached to unfasten her bra, but he stilled her hands. "No, love. I want to do that." He smiled softly and unfastened his slacks. They fell to the floor, and he made short work of his shoes, socks and briefs.

He paused, one knee on the bed, to let her look at him, knowing that it was the first time for both of them. He planned on looking at her as well, so he hoped that this would put her more at ease, letting her see him, aroused, jutting and ready for her.

Her breathing deepened. "You're so beautiful. My Edward..."

"No. You are the beauty here, love. So, so beautiful." He lowered himself to the bed, his hands moving to the button of her jeans. He unfastened them, and looked back into her eyes as he lowered the zipper. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he pushed them down over her hips, down her legs and threw them to the floor.

Lying in only bra and panties, Bella thought she would feel vulnerable, or embarrassed. She only felt eager. And so ready for him. His hands slipped under her back, and her bra was gone. Then he was drawing her panties down her legs, and she kicked them away.

They laid on their sides, facing, nearly touching. Edward raised his right hand and softly traced his fingers down her cheek. "Are you sure, love? I want you. I so want you. But I can wait. Tell me."

"Edward, love me. Oh, sweet man, love me."

"I do" he growled, and swept his mouth in to hers, kissing her deeply, plunging his hand into her hair, and his tongue into her mouth. Her hand went to his hair as well, and they both held on through the kiss. Then his hand moved down to her shoulder. "I need to touch you, love." he gasped.

"Yes."

They both watched his long fingers, moving down her shoulder, skimming over her collar bone, to the swell of her b***. He glanced up at her eyes again, as if to make sure, and saw only love and desire. It took his breath away that this beautiful woman wanted him, loved him, needed him, like he did her.

He brushed his fingers softly over the crest of her breast, and was rewarded with her nipple pebbling, and her gasp of pleasure. He took the weight of it in his hand, brushing his thumb over and around the peak, marveling at it's pink perfection. 'Mine' he thought, a rumble starting low in his chest. He knew he was claiming his mate, and trying to keep from frightening her, but the growl would not be stilled. It was instinctual, primal.

She arched her back, pushing harder against his hand, and he lowered his head to lave her nipple with his tongue, then suck it between his lips. She moaned softly and fisted her hand in his hair. "Yes. So good..."

Her voice made him throb, and the ache was nearly unbearable. He wanted to plunge and thrust, but forced himself to go slow. He palmed himself and squeezed with his left hand, his right still cradling her breast, just for a moment, to maintain control. It didn't help.

He raised his head and caught her eyes again, pushing her onto her back before lowering his head to kiss her mouth. His hand sliding lower, resting against the swell of her abdomen. "I'm going to touch you now, love. Tell me if I'm going too fast."

"Touch me. Please." she panted.

With a groan, he plunged his tongue into her mouth, and slid his fingers between her folds. She was so wet, and it made him harden further. He gently stroked her nub, making her writhe and mewl her desire. He slipped a finger into her opening, then added a second finger, stretching her, preparing her. She cried out his name in her passion.

He rolled into the cradle of her thighs, and positioned himself at her entrance. He eased forward until her encountered her thin barrier. Sliding his arms under her shoulders, resting his weight on his elbows, he cupped her head in his hands. She slid her arms around his shoulders, burying her fists in his hair, her eyes wide, slightly afraid.

He kissed her again, deeply, and then gazing into her eyes, he breathed, "Hold on to me, love. Hold me tight." Then he thrust into her.

Her eyes snapped shut, and tears squeezed from between her lashes. He hated hurting her, but he gloried in her possession at the same time. 'Mine' he thought again, kissing her tears. 'My mate'. He stilled completely, and they clutched each other as close as possible. "I'm sorry, angel. Lie still. It will pass." She nodded slightly, eyes still closed.

Slowly, the pain ebbed. She came back to herself, and opened her eyes to Edward, poised so closely over her, watching with a worried frown. They were pressed tightly together, joined from breast to hip. She drew her knees up his sides, squeezing his ribs. The movement settled him deeper inside of her, and he groaned. "Bella, are you all right? Should I stop?"

"No! I'm ok. It's ok. I love you." she whispered.

With a rush of relief, he began to move; slow, shallow, gentle thrusts. He kissed her again, his tongue mirroring his hip's movements.

Still cupping her head, he devoured her mouth, their only movements the slow thrust of his hips and the turns of their heads to find new, better positions to kiss deeper. He began to move faster, deeper. They couldn't get close enough to each other. They clung to each other like limpets. Quiet words of love were the only sounds in the room.

"Oh my love..."

"So good. Don't stop..."

"Mine. Forever..."

"Please... more..."

"I love you."

"I love you."

He could feel it building inside of her, climbing steadily, yet she looked slightly scared at what was happening to her body. He added a slow roll to his hips, grinding his pubic bone against her. She whimpered, her entire body as tight as a bow string.  
"Let it happen, love... give it to me... let go... I need it..." he groaned.

And she did.

Her body arched into his. The beauty and power of her orgasm bringing on his, and they found their release together, each crying their pleasure into the others mouth. Shuddering, trembling, muscles locked.

Then soft, tender kisses as they came down, murmurs of love and devotion.

He shifted to his side, bringing her against his chest, and she curled against him with a sigh.

"Are you all right, angel? Did I hurt you?" he whispered, kissing her hair.

She sighed again "No, it only hurt for that first moment. After that..." she blushed, and he chuckled, feeling very content and masculine. _'My mate'_ he thought again, and smiled, cuddling her closer.

"Edward," she said, after a few minutes. "Did you mean what you said? That you would turn me when I was ready?"

He tensed, and she started to pull away. He wouldn't allow her retreat, and reached to tilt her chin so she was looking into his eyes. "Yes. As much as I don't want to endanger your soul, I can't refuse you ever again. Is it now, Bella?" His face was anguished.

She shook her head, and tucked it back under his chin. "No. Not yet. But it makes me feel better that you won't fight me when I _am_ ready."

He breathed easier, knowing he had more time. "That doesn't mean I won't try to talk you out of it, love. But when you say the word, I will do it. Because I'm yours, completely. I lived those twenty-four hours thinking I was lost, alone, forever without you... and I never want to feel that again. The horror, the emptiness... it was worse than the hole in my chest that I've been living with for the last seven months by far."

Bella's head came up at that. "You had a hole? Here?" She pressed her palm over his silent heart.

"Yes," he grimaced. "Like I was missing my heart. And I was. I had left it here with you."

"That's funny," she mused.

"Funny?" His eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair.

"No, not funny _amusing._ I felt the exact same thing, Edward. But it closed up when you... when you cried." She ducked her head. "You wouldn't have cried if you didn't love me."

He turned her face back up to his again, pressing his lips to hers. "No, love. I wept because I thought that you didn't love me, that I had lost you forever. I was crushed, and desperate. Please know that I didn't do it to manipulate you in any way."

She sighed and settled back against his chest. "I know. I felt it. I'm yours, too, Edward. You never lost me. I'm sorry I said those things to you-"

"Hush, love. I deserved them and more. But you must swear something to me. Swear you will never again say that you hate me, no matter how angry you are. That nearly destroyed me." He gasped as if feeling physical pain.

"Edward, I could never hate you. I was just so angry. Forgive me?" She pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth.

"Nothing to forgive, angel. Now hush, and kiss me again. Charlie is coming down the street, and I must mimic Romeo, and flee."

With a last kiss, he was out of bed, and dressed in a blink. He tossed Bella her clothes. "You remember the story for Charlie, love?"

She nodded, pulling on her clothes as quickly as she could.

"Good. I suspect you're in Dutch with him. I don't envy you that. I'll be back tonight. We'll talk all night, if you wish. Miss me?"

Bella smiled, "You know it."

And he was out the window and gone.

With a full and lighter heart, she turned and headed down stairs to face her father.

* * *

 **Please, please review! Even if you hate it! Even if it's one word! It's why we FanFic authors do what we do. *whimper***


End file.
